Here is one of my role model's status' earlier tonight; I loved it!!
"I have tried to ignore and bite my tongue about this whole Chick-fil-a drama, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad by today's events and this controversy in general. I have several gay friends who are reminded every single day, some by friends, others by their family, and all of them by the churches they no longer attend, that they are not normal or accepted and they are in "sin". I see the hurt on their faces and in their eyes at the challenges they face by the hate they receive from the Christian community and it saddens me. I certainly do not believe everyone acted in hate today and am not posting this to debate my views on homosexuality nor do I want to offend anyone by this post, but wanted to send out a simple reminder that, It is easy to forget in the midst of standing up for what you believe, there are real people who hurt every day over the hate they receive because they are gay. I have been on the receiving end of judgement and others opinions of my lifestyle and it was extremely hurtful. As a result I have challenged myself to seek first to understand before being understood. As I took the time to get to know my gay friends stories my heart broke for the pain they have gone through. Again I am not here to debate my views on homosexuality, I don't think it's wrong to stand up for what you believe, i LOVE our freedom of speech in this country, nor do I think all Christians acted in hate, I just wanted to send out a simple reminder that there are real people with real souls and hearts who are gay. All my gay friends, while disagreeing with my beliefs and lifestyle, have shown me the utmost love and respect. My heart goes out to them today. He who is sinless cast the first stone."
~Casey J
I just LOVED the way she posted that!!!
Here is another one that made me sit back and think.
"Okay... I am going to be the rebel who posts his massively unpopular opinion on the Chic-fil-a business. Sarcasm? No actually.. because what I'm about to say will piss off the whole lot of you...
I am a Christian. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, I believe it is wholly true and inerrant (there, got the atheists, agnostics, and universalists pretty well peeved) I also believe that this country is an Idea. One where I have the right to say that Homosexuality is wrong (there went the LGBT) and the world has the right to say that I am a Victorian bigot! Well, that's my point. We have the right. It is unpopular with some, disquietting with others, but we both were afforded the costly ability to say screw you! We forget that it is a very rare and precious gift to have the right at all.
Yes, I believe that it is wrong... guess what.. I also believe that hate is wrong. I don't hate people who are gay... I love them as much as I do the people who aren't.. and really why do we have "gay friends" when we never have "straight friends" I don't introduce my friend Charlie Pugh as my straight friend anymore than I would my friend Justin Burt as my "gay friend" they're both people. Shut up.
I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman.. but I also believe the govt should keep it big greedy sticky fingers out of institutions it didn't invent. I am not qualified to define marriage I only echo my God's definition. Congress is less qualified.
I believe it is wrong, I believe hating someone for acting in a way I disagree with is wrong, I believe abusing, defaming, insulting, and mocking someone (for any reason) is wrong. So please people... lets remember the simple truth here... you have the right to call me whatever you want... you have that right... so stop screaming about someone else using that same right to say what they think. If you can't handle that move to China."
~T.C
God is a God of love, not hate. God is a God of justice, not discrimination, or bullying.
Sin is sin.
No one is without sin.
You are no better than the man who raped his 5 year old daughter, A pastor is no better then someone who is living a life of homosexuality. I am no better then my little sister who stole a dollar from my purse. Sin is sin, we all fall short, we all need a savior, and we all are given that chance.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Update on Summer 2012
Hey! So its been a little bit since I have last posted, summer time has gotten crazy! Working full time as a waitress, and trying to figure my life out has taken alot of my time. Alee came home last week, but is currently counseling at a summer camp for the next 2 weeks. Its been so good to have her around, feels like another part of me has come home.
My passion for india has grown, and keeps growing every day.
Not a day goes by where my beloved India doesnt come up in a conversation. I'm learning to deal with the adult world, but loving being 18 and young.
Working as a waitress I have met so many cool people!
One of the regulars that come in; Dutch and Marilyn, they have been married 70 years!! 70 STINKEN YEARS! and their love for eachother is so evident, it makes my heart smile!
Today we had these traveling hipsters come into work, one had the Lord shining so bright thru him, i wanted to give that man a hug.
I feel as if these last 6 months has made me grow up faster and given me more life experience then I had this time last year.
Ohhhh this time last year, I would have been eating lunch somewhere in southern india, loving on little kids, putting on a drama, and praying over temples. If only I could go back to this time last year, I would.
Andddd right now Im learning to let the Lord be my lover, I dont need boys, I dont need men, I need the LORD!
SO; right now, I am currently look for houses, room mates, and kids that are on fire for the Lord. I know kids who say they are, but then disrespect women, NOT A MAN OF GOD. I know girls who say they do, but have sex with their boyfriend everynight. NOT A WOMAN OF GOD.
Yes, we all make mistakes, heck I have been making enough mistakes to make my own tv show, but there is a difference from repenting and stopping and repenting and still going out. REMORSE. 2 nights ago I cried myself to sleep over a sin in my life, and I knew I needed to repent, so right there, at like 3am I cried my eyes out repenting like a man on his death bed...for one stinken sin.
But its so good to be broken sometimes, and letting the Lord heal you all over again. mmmm. good refinement.
Well, I think Ive typed the most randomest stuff tonight, but thats my update. Lots of love!
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My passion for india has grown, and keeps growing every day.
Not a day goes by where my beloved India doesnt come up in a conversation. I'm learning to deal with the adult world, but loving being 18 and young.
Working as a waitress I have met so many cool people!
One of the regulars that come in; Dutch and Marilyn, they have been married 70 years!! 70 STINKEN YEARS! and their love for eachother is so evident, it makes my heart smile!
Today we had these traveling hipsters come into work, one had the Lord shining so bright thru him, i wanted to give that man a hug.
I feel as if these last 6 months has made me grow up faster and given me more life experience then I had this time last year.
Ohhhh this time last year, I would have been eating lunch somewhere in southern india, loving on little kids, putting on a drama, and praying over temples. If only I could go back to this time last year, I would.
Andddd right now Im learning to let the Lord be my lover, I dont need boys, I dont need men, I need the LORD!
SO; right now, I am currently look for houses, room mates, and kids that are on fire for the Lord. I know kids who say they are, but then disrespect women, NOT A MAN OF GOD. I know girls who say they do, but have sex with their boyfriend everynight. NOT A WOMAN OF GOD.
Yes, we all make mistakes, heck I have been making enough mistakes to make my own tv show, but there is a difference from repenting and stopping and repenting and still going out. REMORSE. 2 nights ago I cried myself to sleep over a sin in my life, and I knew I needed to repent, so right there, at like 3am I cried my eyes out repenting like a man on his death bed...for one stinken sin.
But its so good to be broken sometimes, and letting the Lord heal you all over again. mmmm. good refinement.
Well, I think Ive typed the most randomest stuff tonight, but thats my update. Lots of love!
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Friday, April 13, 2012
Alexandria's Story
Alee's Story
"Standing watching hands go up all around me, young teens on their knees sobbing in friends arms, hearing prayers echoing in the arenas about surrender, love and worth. A warm tingle shoots through my body as I stand there with tears streaming down my face thanking God that I have a chance to see this, that seeing this breathtaking snapshot is my job.
As many of you know, I graduated high school in 2010 and moved to Texas for a one year internship called the Honor Academy, a program apart of Teen Mania Ministries. After graduating I started one of their tracks in January known as the Ministry Team. The Ministry Team is based of 28-32 ‘2nd year Graduate Interns’ who commit to stay and tour and put on a full length production called Acquire The Fire every weekend and live on a bus traveling to each state.
Acquire the Fire is a 27hr Life Transforming Event that sets apart a weekend for thousands upon thousands of teens to encounter God and have a passion ignited within.
Back story for a second.
Every year while I was in youth group we would go into downtown Cleveland for this conference and I went in 2009 and encountered the LORD for the first time in a new and personal way. I went struggling with cutting and suicidal thoughts, and through that event the LORD saved me from that and I experienced His love washing over my sins and cuts. That weekend saved my life and kept me from taking my own.
And now, every weekend I get the privilege to put on these events and get to play a crucial part in the weekend.
I serve as the Concourse Manager and have a part in the drama.
Every weekend I oversee the set up of all the merchandise stands and booths we set up, and manage them during the weekend. Its a high paced and exciting job. I absolutely love it, because not only do I get to do a Customer Service job, but I get to see first hand these teens walk into the arena one way, and see their faces change when they walk out later that day. It brings tears to my eyes every weekend.
I can not do this alone, this ministry I work for can not do this without your help.
The cost is $450.00 every month for me to live on the road and be apart of these weekends all over America.
We are a non-profit organization and through donations we can make Acquire The Fire happen.
I am asking that you would pray about supporting me while on tour around America because without you, it is impossible.
If you feel led at all to donate, even 5 dollars you can go to honoracademy.com/donate and put in ID# 2569651.
This means so much to me, and through your support I can watch the LORD mend the broken teens every weekend, watch what had happened to me in 2009 take place in many girls lives.
Thank you so much"
This woman is changing lives every weekend. She was once one of the hurting girls who sat in the crowd, now she is on stage leading them, loving them. Of course ministry comes with a price. If you want to help her as she continues her ministry across the united states you can use the information about, or let me know :)
This woman is changing lives every weekend. She was once one of the hurting girls who sat in the crowd, now she is on stage leading them, loving them. Of course ministry comes with a price. If you want to help her as she continues her ministry across the united states you can use the information about, or let me know :)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
What's been on my mind lately
SEX TRAFFICKING: The Cold Facts
Men can customize the girls they want like they were ordering pizza.
But there is hope. Jesus. He loves to restore broken things.
So many people don't know about this issue! It breaks me heart, how can someone be so blind. It happens in AMERICA!!! 20% of all trafficked women will go thru the Dallas Fort-Worth area at one point.. THAT'S CLOSE TO HOME!
Sex trafficking has been found in a wide variety of venues of the overall sex industry, including residential brothels, hostess clubs, online escort services, brothels disguised as massage parlors, strip clubs, and street prostitution. Girls are forced to sell sex by going to rest stops and knocking on trucker's doors.
Ohio is one of the HIGHEST trafficked place the in the United States... OHIO!
Take time to educate yourselves with information, raise awareness with me. Be the voice for those who can not speak!
http://vimeo.com/26792244
A child is trafficked every 30 seconds.
The average age of entry into commercial sex slavery in the United States is 13 years old
Human Trafficking occurs in 161 out of 192 countries.
Pornography is a 96 billion dollar per year industry.
Up to 96% of women in prostitution want to escape but feel they can’t.
Human Trafficking is a 32 billion dollar per year industry.
In some countries it is estimated that 70% of men purchase sex.
Over 27 million people are enslaved around the world. This is more than double the number of Africans enslaved during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.
Human Trafficking is the fasting growing criminal enterprise in the world.
The sale of women is the 3rd largest industry in the world.
So many people don't know about this issue! It breaks me heart, how can someone be so blind. It happens in AMERICA!!! 20% of all trafficked women will go thru the Dallas Fort-Worth area at one point.. THAT'S CLOSE TO HOME!
Sex trafficking has been found in a wide variety of venues of the overall sex industry, including residential brothels, hostess clubs, online escort services, brothels disguised as massage parlors, strip clubs, and street prostitution. Girls are forced to sell sex by going to rest stops and knocking on trucker's doors.
Ohio is one of the HIGHEST trafficked place the in the United States... OHIO!
Take time to educate yourselves with information, raise awareness with me. Be the voice for those who can not speak!
http://vimeo.com/26792244
Sunday, March 11, 2012
"Two is better than one"
Accountability Partner /noun/. One who coaches another person in terms of helping the other person keep a commitment.
AP Time -Time set apart each day, week, or month that you go and bond, share, and love on your AP.
Mary Kailah Butler...She is not only a Proverbs 31 woman, but a woman who lives out the bible.
But back to the definition of an AP... the whole "helping keep commitments" she carried that one out...
Little known fact about me-I'm LAZY! I'm the queen of sleeping in til 4 min before class, and making up excuses for not doing corporate.
Little known fact about Mary-Total opposite..she ran for FUN! (total weirdo)
One morning...I was somehow blessed to not do corporate for 8 weeks. (From breaks, to Swat, to rain days, get out of free cards..etc) I was planning on being "sick." So, I'm walking down to corporate in flip flops...half way down Mary pulls me aside and asked me why I wasn't doing corporate, I told her cramps and she nicely told me that she didn't care, and she was going to make me carry through on my commitment...with or without flip flops, I was gonna do it.
So; there i stood, in line with her, in flip flops doing overhand claps, and heel raises. (painful when you don't do them for 8 weeks)..complaining the whole time...
Right after break i had a H.C and she came from work (CCM) and prayed for me before my case, and then was there when I finished.
The night I got dismissed, I didn't want to tell her, part of my heart was ripping apart, but to see the love in her tear filled eyes, to see her experience my pain, meant so much to me. THAT ladies and gents is a REAL AP!
Yeah, now we are literally 1,000 miles away, and we don't talk every day, but she has continually been there for me, and sometimes I am so selfish and forget to do MY job as an AP... (besides her AMAZING birthday week) But I love her to death, and tonight, I am so immensely proud of her.
She, not only made a commitment with me in August to stay a year, but she made another commitment tonight to be held accountable to the interns before her, and after her. She join the Line...the Fellowship...SHE IS AN AMAZING WOMAN OF GOD!!!
Proverbs 31:36
She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
<3 Song of Solomon 8:6-7 <3
[Relentless]
AP Time -Time set apart each day, week, or month that you go and bond, share, and love on your AP.
- Walks in the back forty
- Taking pictures
- Watching movies
- Laughing at each other
- Go shopping
Mary Kailah Butler...She is not only a Proverbs 31 woman, but a woman who lives out the bible.
But back to the definition of an AP... the whole "helping keep commitments" she carried that one out...
Little known fact about me-I'm LAZY! I'm the queen of sleeping in til 4 min before class, and making up excuses for not doing corporate.
Little known fact about Mary-Total opposite..she ran for FUN! (total weirdo)
One morning...I was somehow blessed to not do corporate for 8 weeks. (From breaks, to Swat, to rain days, get out of free cards..etc) I was planning on being "sick." So, I'm walking down to corporate in flip flops...half way down Mary pulls me aside and asked me why I wasn't doing corporate, I told her cramps and she nicely told me that she didn't care, and she was going to make me carry through on my commitment...with or without flip flops, I was gonna do it.
So; there i stood, in line with her, in flip flops doing overhand claps, and heel raises. (painful when you don't do them for 8 weeks)..complaining the whole time...
Right after break i had a H.C and she came from work (CCM) and prayed for me before my case, and then was there when I finished.
The night I got dismissed, I didn't want to tell her, part of my heart was ripping apart, but to see the love in her tear filled eyes, to see her experience my pain, meant so much to me. THAT ladies and gents is a REAL AP!
Yeah, now we are literally 1,000 miles away, and we don't talk every day, but she has continually been there for me, and sometimes I am so selfish and forget to do MY job as an AP... (besides her AMAZING birthday week) But I love her to death, and tonight, I am so immensely proud of her.
She, not only made a commitment with me in August to stay a year, but she made another commitment tonight to be held accountable to the interns before her, and after her. She join the Line...the Fellowship...SHE IS AN AMAZING WOMAN OF GOD!!!
Proverbs 31:36
She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
<3 Song of Solomon 8:6-7 <3
[Relentless]
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Dance: By Alee
A dark stage …. A man, a handsome man, steps out from nowhere…yet He seems to have been there the whole time… He takes a breath…a light appears…He moves His hand…things are starting to be created. He gathers dust, blows on it…a figure appears, a young girl, He loves her, the best of all creations… He lavishes her with the beauty of the garden, gives her delightful food to eat, clothes her with a fine dress… tells her to abide in him, and all this, is hers… she agrees, thinking that nothing will ever separate them from each other. And so this dance starts, a dance of the love and life. They spend every second together, and she is enjoying it so much….but then:
sex
love
money
lust
parties
appearance
fears
death
All this steps in to her life… pushes the Maker aside…. the sin takes a hold of her hand… asks her to dance with him instead….she accepts his offer…finding it fun and exciting. At least for a short time….
The Maker isn’t satisfied with that, no he is HEART BROKEN. His creation is rejecting Him for pleasures so disgusting that He can’t be with her, at all. Yet, He doesn’t leave…. He stands there the whole time… when she dances…He’s right there, hovering over her. When she falls, oh how He burns to pick her up, but He only stands there, sad and confused with what she is choosing, rather than choosing Him. She cries over a broken heart. And His heart breaks, He knows that she needs Him. And that heart break she is dealing with, is no match to how He feels. Yet, she refuses to acknowledge Him, or even look over to Him. Still, He won’t leave…. Stands by her the whole time; hoping that one day, she will see Him, and come back…
Finally that day comes. A sad day, a day where everything fell for her…. Her life, in her eyes was over. She picks up a knife to finish her life. Bringing it closer to her veins, she starts remembering the days before all this started, the garden, the Maker, the love, the dance. She starts to weep, weeping and weeping when a sound escapes her lips, ‘Help!’
Before that word is off her lips, the Maker is screaming "YES! I’m here!" He picks her up, throws the chains that the sin dancer had put on her, He breaks them. He washes her, gets rid of the mud that is on her robe. He looks at her and says. ‘I love you’ He takes the knife and throws it so far, she will never find it again. He holds her… and cries, she continues to cries. He comforts her, and repeating those simple words over and over, I love you, here I am, and I love you, im holding on. I love you so much. You are beautiful. Come, take my hand… Let’s dance
sex
love
money
lust
parties
appearance
fears
death
All this steps in to her life… pushes the Maker aside…. the sin takes a hold of her hand… asks her to dance with him instead….she accepts his offer…finding it fun and exciting. At least for a short time….
The Maker isn’t satisfied with that, no he is HEART BROKEN. His creation is rejecting Him for pleasures so disgusting that He can’t be with her, at all. Yet, He doesn’t leave…. He stands there the whole time… when she dances…He’s right there, hovering over her. When she falls, oh how He burns to pick her up, but He only stands there, sad and confused with what she is choosing, rather than choosing Him. She cries over a broken heart. And His heart breaks, He knows that she needs Him. And that heart break she is dealing with, is no match to how He feels. Yet, she refuses to acknowledge Him, or even look over to Him. Still, He won’t leave…. Stands by her the whole time; hoping that one day, she will see Him, and come back…
Finally that day comes. A sad day, a day where everything fell for her…. Her life, in her eyes was over. She picks up a knife to finish her life. Bringing it closer to her veins, she starts remembering the days before all this started, the garden, the Maker, the love, the dance. She starts to weep, weeping and weeping when a sound escapes her lips, ‘Help!’
Before that word is off her lips, the Maker is screaming "YES! I’m here!" He picks her up, throws the chains that the sin dancer had put on her, He breaks them. He washes her, gets rid of the mud that is on her robe. He looks at her and says. ‘I love you’ He takes the knife and throws it so far, she will never find it again. He holds her… and cries, she continues to cries. He comforts her, and repeating those simple words over and over, I love you, here I am, and I love you, im holding on. I love you so much. You are beautiful. Come, take my hand… Let’s dance
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's day, Single Awareness day, forever alone day. Whatever you call it...
I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
God loves you so much. This isn't a lovey dovey type love. This isn't the love your significant other can give you, it isn't the love even your parents can give you.
God saw you and said "I will do anything for you to get into my family" he sent his SON to DIE for YOU! That is mega crazy love.
Every time you mess up, slip up, screw up, God looks at you and says "it doesn't matter, that's why I sent Christ to die on the cross. Because I love you so much."
My heart breaks for all the girls and guys who will loose their virginity today because it seems like the "right thing to do" because "we are in love" If you are one of those girls, you are worth so much more than that. Sex isn't love, Love isn't sex. This is what love is;
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]
This afternoon one of my friends who works at a pharmacy sent me a text saying that someone just came in to buy the morning after pill, and to pray for them. Once again my heart breaks, not because someone is taking the morning after pill, its not my place to judge for that, but because some girl is hurting enough to think that is they way to cover her guilt. I wish I could just got to her and hug and and tell her that Jesus covered that, and whether she gets pregnant or not, He has her in his hand, his unfailing love can be for her! That he is the lover of her soul!
I really don't have anything else to say, but pleas remember 2 things;
1-God loves you no matter what.
2-They don't make condoms for your heart.
God loves you so much. This isn't a lovey dovey type love. This isn't the love your significant other can give you, it isn't the love even your parents can give you.
God saw you and said "I will do anything for you to get into my family" he sent his SON to DIE for YOU! That is mega crazy love.
Every time you mess up, slip up, screw up, God looks at you and says "it doesn't matter, that's why I sent Christ to die on the cross. Because I love you so much."
My heart breaks for all the girls and guys who will loose their virginity today because it seems like the "right thing to do" because "we are in love" If you are one of those girls, you are worth so much more than that. Sex isn't love, Love isn't sex. This is what love is;
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]
This afternoon one of my friends who works at a pharmacy sent me a text saying that someone just came in to buy the morning after pill, and to pray for them. Once again my heart breaks, not because someone is taking the morning after pill, its not my place to judge for that, but because some girl is hurting enough to think that is they way to cover her guilt. I wish I could just got to her and hug and and tell her that Jesus covered that, and whether she gets pregnant or not, He has her in his hand, his unfailing love can be for her! That he is the lover of her soul!
I really don't have anything else to say, but pleas remember 2 things;
1-God loves you no matter what.
2-They don't make condoms for your heart.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
My name is Jackie Ball and this is my story.
I think my mom said she found out in March that she was expecting a baby, my dad’s first child. April 1st they found out they were not only going to have 1 baby, but 2! Our due date was somewhere in early November, I was born September 10th. Within the first month of my life I faced death but I was stronger and overcame it.
Alee, mommy’s little girl, I was totally ok with that, because I was daddy’s girl. I know my parents don’t have favorites, but deep down I knew I was special to my dad. I went to work with him whenever I could, helped him outside whenever I was allowed, and tried to be just like him all the time. Even when my mom had my brother I always had to be with my dad when he wrestled Jeff, I needed to be a part of whatever he was doing.
I swear I had the perfect childhood. I grew up in a nice house, going to church every Sunday, and there were always people at my house. But life can’t always be ‘perfect’ I’m going to spare details, but when I was 7 my dad went to prison and we had to move from a nice big home to a small house my mom rented.
When we were first told my dad was leaving it was originally for 6 months (which for a 7 year old is eternity) but 6 months grew into 1 year, than 18 months, then finally 5 years. At first it was so hard, I wanted to keep it a secret, I didn’t want anyone to know my daddy left, but the church already knew, and I felt more like a black sheep then I ever have in my life. No daddy and daughter dances, or banquets, and father’s day was spent with a 15 minute phone call from my dad, and Christmas was spent with the least amount time home possible.
After 5 years it almost seem normal to me not to live with a dad, but that day did come where my mom went to go get my dad from the dreadful place I grew to hate. Life with my dad home was difficult at first, there were a lot of restrictions, and we ended up having to move, but since we lived in a different county I later found out that my dad never slept at m there were a lot of restrictions, and we ended up having to move, but since we lived in a different county I later found out that my dad never slept at the house, he always left and slept at my grandma’s.
During that time I went thru a lot of stuff. My parents seemed to be ignoring me and taking care of my younger siblings, and I wanted their attention more than ever. I think I mostly wanted my dad’s attention like I had when I was younger, but I didn’t get that. I remember hurting so much, and feeling so out of place everywhere I went. I wanted to be normal, fit in, have a family like I use to, but everything had changed.
I wanted them to notice how much I was hurting, how angry I was at them, but they never did, so I decided to do something they would HAVE to notice. A couple nights before my 15th birthday I told a friend I was ending my life, and took some pills and got ready for bed. This friend FREAKED and called my parents, who were not happy at all. They asked me how many I took and decided that I should just go to bed and see what happens in the morning. (Since I didn’t take a whole lot)
That was my first experience with self-harm. We ended up moving again, and it just got more and more stressful, I resorted to cutting and starving myself so I could take control of something in my life, and my body was the one thing I could control. My parents told me I should talk to someone, so I talked to pretty much whoever would listen, (so youth leaders, friends, etc.) One youth leader actually alerted child protective services after some stuff I had said, and when the cops came they decided to take me somewhere safe (the hospital) and from there I was admitted into a child’s psychiatric facility for a 72 hour evaluation.
When I went home from the hospital I met with an old family friend, and I remember we went to a tavern that was right by my church, and we sat there for a couple hours talking, and that is when I experienced true freedom from the demonic strongholds in my life. I surrender my life to the Lord on December 18th 2008.
You know how the bible says it won’t be easy, but there will be trials, yep experienced that with a month of being saved. I was asked to leave youth group due to the fact that I was causing too much drama with all my problems, and the youth leaders didn’t know how to handle it. And that family friend that help lead me to the Lord, walked out of my life on the same night.
2009-2010 is a huge blur to me for some reason. My sister went on a missions trip only to come home and tell us she wanted to go to some place called the Honor Academy, and then started actually working towards that. I decided I wanted to save lives and started looking into classes for that, and began my 2 year class of EMT.
I started going to ‘public school’ for the first time in 2010 my junior year, I somehow befriended the popular kids and quickly fell into peer pressure in multiple ways. During this time I decided to go on a missions trip with global expeditions. It wasn’t a huge trip, it was to the city of Dallas, but it changed my life.
The people I met on this trip were amazing, I learned so much about the Lord, and I was the one on the trip! God really worked on my heart during that summer. I met some awesome people; some of them are still in my life. Weirdly enough, most of those people that impacted me the most were interns at Honor Academy. My TL, Jennie, Priscilla, and Mike Sang were 3 of the ones who are still in my life. They ministered so much to me on that trip, and still do.
While I was on that trip, Jennie (the most amazing TL ever) sat with me not only at a hospital after dislocating my knee cap, but sitting with me as I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Pris just poured into me, and spoke life over me, prayed with me, and listened to my pouring out my hurt. And Mike, well… that is when the big brother was introduced.
Coming home from that trip I thought life would be a little bit easier, after all I just spent an amazing 2 weeks away from home with Christians from all over the U.S and Canada. That wasn’t the case at all. I mean, at first it was better, I was able to resist temptations, and even applied to go to the Honor Academy that next year, but being a senior seemed to really weigh me down.
By January of 2011 I had lost all my friends at school and was deemed the named ‘christian slut’. I wanted to give up so badly, the life I had known was slipping away. I stopped going to church because of some of the decisions that were made, and my family started attended another church where I got involved in the youth group and made some awesome friends!
During my senior year I also decided to go with Global Expeditions to India, somewhere I had wanted to go as a missionary to since I was like 7, so I started down that road to go across the country. Finally, EMT was over, and I walked across that stage. I felt like I had accomplished so much, and it seemed like life was getting better.
Of course I am skipping over some things that happened my senior year, I once again tried to end my life, but failed, and I also met this guy at a retreat, fell ‘in love’ and into temptation, but it is the past, and I don’t feel like going back and reliving all that.
So, India; July 9th, the day had finally arrive. My month in India was a time I will never ever forget. After an intensely awesome month I came back to Ohio to pack for the Honor Academy. I said my goodbyes and drove with my best friend Celia down to east Texas to begin my new life.
I got thru 4 of the hardest, but best months of my life. I had a new family, a new start, my AP, a job that I loved, but I still had a lot I was dealing with from back home, some things with roommates, and once again, took some pills with the intentions of not waking up. I was released from the program 8 months early to go back to Ohio.
My life CHANGED. I was not planning on moving back ever, and now I had to. I was bitter in so many ways, which I later had to repent for. I left the people I loved, my sister, my family all in Texas and it didn’t seem fair, it still doesn’t seem fair, but I know God has a plan for all this, and good will come out of it.
Life hasn’t been easy at all coming back from HA. I’ve fallen into sin that would’ve been taboo 2 months ago,but the Lord is teaching and refining.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Terry Johnson's Testimony
So as im going thru facebook late last night, i fall upon this, a status update from someone who is on Ministry Team with my sister at teen mania. This man of God will do amazing things for the kingdom.
Revelation 12:11
"They have overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the words of their testimony.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SO im doing my Laundry.. I THINK THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO TALK ABOUT ME AND LAST NIGHT.. for some that dont know me.. (cause i have a few new friends) i like to express my self in a since of creativity.. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WAYS.. some people like to think that alot of what i do is for attention but really its not im just naturally a person that loves to be happy.. so when i do have a problem.. this is one of my ways of expressing it.. or really to empty my mind..
so.. last night.. ACCOUNTABILITY.. ( NOTE:THIS WAS WITH JUST MEN ONLY) normally when your at Teen Mania and u think of that u think of alot of awkwardness and people feeling uncomfortable.. cuz ITS TRUE that how it normally is.. BUT LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT last was actually.. 1 of the most beautiful things i ever seen as far as men really stepping up and being MEN!! if seen men express some of the most deepest darkest secrets, some crying, some even just genuinely happy for the first time.. as far as me.. im gonig to say a bit of mine...
first off im not PERFECT and i may be this guy that you know as to be happy and so much fun.. BUT THAT DOESN'T NOT MEAN IM NEVER UN-HAPPY... or like i never get hurt.. or i don't feel anything else.. i just dont like to show when im upset or hurt to A MASS amount of people.. cuz 1.. im not use to those feelings cuz i normally do my best to stay happy and in a good mood.. life is so short.. why waste it on anything less.. so what i do normally is i tell only people i really fell i can trust and confide in.. but i didnt do that last night.. last night SOOOO many people opened up and and told some of the most interesting things and so much other stuff.. so.. GOD TOLD ME TO OPEN UP.. AND I DID.. i tld my one and only secret..
WHAT BLEW MY MIND WAS people were accepting.. and no im not gay lol but what i thought was weird and bazaar people saw as.. "hey.. your not the only 1.. and i been there my self.. and it was soo good.. and what i found that was even more shocknig was by me steping up like that.. IT INSPIRED SOMEONE ELSE TO ACTUALLY CRY from the fact that hes been there AND IT JSUT WARMED MY HEART i was like WOW!! like i loves these people they are some awesome AWESOME MEN!! and i never ever will be the same after last night... specially after what happend next..
see.. this part was the harest.. and this is what led me to type tonight.. cuz im kinda searching in my heart to see exactly what im feeling..
see some of u know the story of my ex.. and IM NOT GONIG TO GET INTO IT specially not on here im not putting her out thee like that..
well this isnt about her but it is about my past with her.. see she was dating someone and i was actually hurt by this guy.. and NOT PHYSICALLY but.. like EMOTIONALLY see its VERY VERY HARD TO HURT ME OR OFFEND ME but if u hurt someone i care about.. ITS ON!! and see this guy was a jerk and it acutally messed me up.. and the thing was.. i never forgave him.. and i had PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS NOT 2.. but at the end of the day.. IS IT STILL RIGHT.. like what am i gaining from that.. I HAD TO ARGUE WITH MY SELF ABOUT THAT LAST NIGHT!! and it was sooooooooo hard.. cuz i relized that im not perfected.. I ALWAYS KNEW THAT.. but neither is he!! and that may be easy to see but heres the part i had to learn to swallow.. GOD SEE'S ME EXACTLY THE WAY I SEE HIM.. and even harder GOD SEE'S ME JUST AS EQUAL AS HIM..
meaning THAT KID THAT STOLE SOME GUM is just as bad AS THE GUY WHO SHOT THAT GUY ON THE CORNER!!
THAT WAS HARD!! and i had to really sit there and fight my self!! i had to tell my self all of this and really be like this is me and this is what i know i got to do!! so imagine me SOBBING some of these guys huging me holding me and me really jsut praying to GOD and asking for forgiveness and forgiving him... and I DID.. and i looked back and realized i have some stuff i need to get rid of.. i still have bitterness in my heart.. i still have stuff i havent delt with.. i still have feelings that need to be let go (not with her)
and again i remember im not perfect.. but like i said i never thought i was.. but always good to remember!
so i decided to create a challenge for my self.. EVERY DAY IM GOING TO PRAY FOR THIS MAN.. and im going to pray for forgiveness for him EVERY DAY!! for a month.. lord i speak it in to existance now THIS MAN WILL COME TO KNOW JESUS.. amen
lord thank you for being amazing.. i have said that this year im gonig to learn spiritual intimacy.. and i think this is a start.. :-) today was amazing.. its been LOOONNGGG TIME SINCE I WOKE UP AND BEEN IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD :-) thank you
NIGHT!
Revelation 12:11
"They have overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the words of their testimony.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SO im doing my Laundry.. I THINK THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO TALK ABOUT ME AND LAST NIGHT.. for some that dont know me.. (cause i have a few new friends) i like to express my self in a since of creativity.. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WAYS.. some people like to think that alot of what i do is for attention but really its not im just naturally a person that loves to be happy.. so when i do have a problem.. this is one of my ways of expressing it.. or really to empty my mind..
so.. last night.. ACCOUNTABILITY.. ( NOTE:THIS WAS WITH JUST MEN ONLY) normally when your at Teen Mania and u think of that u think of alot of awkwardness and people feeling uncomfortable.. cuz ITS TRUE that how it normally is.. BUT LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT last was actually.. 1 of the most beautiful things i ever seen as far as men really stepping up and being MEN!! if seen men express some of the most deepest darkest secrets, some crying, some even just genuinely happy for the first time.. as far as me.. im gonig to say a bit of mine...
first off im not PERFECT and i may be this guy that you know as to be happy and so much fun.. BUT THAT DOESN'T NOT MEAN IM NEVER UN-HAPPY... or like i never get hurt.. or i don't feel anything else.. i just dont like to show when im upset or hurt to A MASS amount of people.. cuz 1.. im not use to those feelings cuz i normally do my best to stay happy and in a good mood.. life is so short.. why waste it on anything less.. so what i do normally is i tell only people i really fell i can trust and confide in.. but i didnt do that last night.. last night SOOOO many people opened up and and told some of the most interesting things and so much other stuff.. so.. GOD TOLD ME TO OPEN UP.. AND I DID.. i tld my one and only secret..
WHAT BLEW MY MIND WAS people were accepting.. and no im not gay lol but what i thought was weird and bazaar people saw as.. "hey.. your not the only 1.. and i been there my self.. and it was soo good.. and what i found that was even more shocknig was by me steping up like that.. IT INSPIRED SOMEONE ELSE TO ACTUALLY CRY from the fact that hes been there AND IT JSUT WARMED MY HEART i was like WOW!! like i loves these people they are some awesome AWESOME MEN!! and i never ever will be the same after last night... specially after what happend next..
see.. this part was the harest.. and this is what led me to type tonight.. cuz im kinda searching in my heart to see exactly what im feeling..
see some of u know the story of my ex.. and IM NOT GONIG TO GET INTO IT specially not on here im not putting her out thee like that..
well this isnt about her but it is about my past with her.. see she was dating someone and i was actually hurt by this guy.. and NOT PHYSICALLY but.. like EMOTIONALLY see its VERY VERY HARD TO HURT ME OR OFFEND ME but if u hurt someone i care about.. ITS ON!! and see this guy was a jerk and it acutally messed me up.. and the thing was.. i never forgave him.. and i had PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS NOT 2.. but at the end of the day.. IS IT STILL RIGHT.. like what am i gaining from that.. I HAD TO ARGUE WITH MY SELF ABOUT THAT LAST NIGHT!! and it was sooooooooo hard.. cuz i relized that im not perfected.. I ALWAYS KNEW THAT.. but neither is he!! and that may be easy to see but heres the part i had to learn to swallow.. GOD SEE'S ME EXACTLY THE WAY I SEE HIM.. and even harder GOD SEE'S ME JUST AS EQUAL AS HIM..
meaning THAT KID THAT STOLE SOME GUM is just as bad AS THE GUY WHO SHOT THAT GUY ON THE CORNER!!
THAT WAS HARD!! and i had to really sit there and fight my self!! i had to tell my self all of this and really be like this is me and this is what i know i got to do!! so imagine me SOBBING some of these guys huging me holding me and me really jsut praying to GOD and asking for forgiveness and forgiving him... and I DID.. and i looked back and realized i have some stuff i need to get rid of.. i still have bitterness in my heart.. i still have stuff i havent delt with.. i still have feelings that need to be let go (not with her)
and again i remember im not perfect.. but like i said i never thought i was.. but always good to remember!
so i decided to create a challenge for my self.. EVERY DAY IM GOING TO PRAY FOR THIS MAN.. and im going to pray for forgiveness for him EVERY DAY!! for a month.. lord i speak it in to existance now THIS MAN WILL COME TO KNOW JESUS.. amen
lord thank you for being amazing.. i have said that this year im gonig to learn spiritual intimacy.. and i think this is a start.. :-) today was amazing.. its been LOOONNGGG TIME SINCE I WOKE UP AND BEEN IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD :-) thank you
NIGHT!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Sick Day :\
So, Friday morning I wake up to have the pukeys :( Sadly to say my day was made up of throwing up and sleeping. but the reason im writing this isnt to tell u about my day of dry heaving...
This morning, I got off the couch and took a long needed shower, and as I'm in the shower I was praying,( i do quite frequently) and it went alittle like this
Thank you Lord for healing me, I am blessed.
Thank you blessing me with this health, and not letting me have a disease, or not having cancer,you have blessed me so much. Thank you Jesus...
Then the LORD spoke to me...
"Why didnt you praise me yesterday?" "If I would allow you to have cancer, would you still bless my name?"
DANG---OWWW---punch in the face!
But it was so good, bc it made me realize how much I dont praise him in the Storm. I want to live by Job 1:21
"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but I will still bless the name of the Lord."
So, ya, that is what the Lord showed me on my sicky day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ
This morning, I got off the couch and took a long needed shower, and as I'm in the shower I was praying,( i do quite frequently) and it went alittle like this
Thank you Lord for healing me, I am blessed.
Thank you blessing me with this health, and not letting me have a disease, or not having cancer,you have blessed me so much. Thank you Jesus...
Then the LORD spoke to me...
"Why didnt you praise me yesterday?" "If I would allow you to have cancer, would you still bless my name?"
DANG---OWWW---punch in the face!
But it was so good, bc it made me realize how much I dont praise him in the Storm. I want to live by Job 1:21
"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but I will still bless the name of the Lord."
So, ya, that is what the Lord showed me on my sicky day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Honor Academy Intern in need
Hey guys! So, I have this amazing friend (Sarah Brooks) who went to India with me, and was at the Honor Academy with me, she works in the call center where she calls leaders across america seeing if they would be willing to go on mission trips and serve as a leader. This girl is an amazing woman of God, and is in need of 400$ by midnight tonight. Let me know if You can help in any way!!! Or you can just got to www.honoracademy.com/donate and you can donate right online with her ID# 2627668
So if you could help in any way, (10bucks means alot) that would be so awesome!
So if you could help in any way, (10bucks means alot) that would be so awesome!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thoughts at Tim Hortons
Once again, I am so impatient! But I am at my first Tim Horton's ever!!!! any ways. I just got here and I'm just waiting on Lauren to pick me up! Then off to sleep, and TEXAS BOUND tomorrow! I have to use the restroom so badly too, but I cant leave my stuff alone. This sucks!!!I'm looking right across at BGSU's dorms and it makes me miss campus so badly. I want to be there, living life. Sometimes it feels like a dream to me, but i know its not. This is going to be so hard, having to leave campus all over again. Leaving my best friends...all over again...it really does suck the life out of me.
I did apply for 3 different jobs, so hopefully I will get one and it will help me keep my mind off missing Honor Academy.
So, I had an interesting ride here....i drove with one of Markie's friends, who is Mormon, and we had an awesome conversation! She told me a little bit about her religion, and it was cool to get it first hand from someone. I have always heard such negative things about Mormonism, but this has peaked my interest in it, and I want to do some research on it. I know I grew up christian, and I am a christian, so it was totally cool hearing a different belief. Some of it seems the same, going to heaven, the 2nd coming, Jesus Christ dying for us... but some things were different to, like Heaven, John Smith,the trinity, but still super cool to hear about it! I had a horrible experience with Mormons back when they were my neighbors, lots of witchcraft and evil spirits, but from what Elizabeth was saying, it doesn't seem like that. That defiantly makes me want to look into it even more.
I love researching!!
I did apply for 3 different jobs, so hopefully I will get one and it will help me keep my mind off missing Honor Academy.
So, I had an interesting ride here....i drove with one of Markie's friends, who is Mormon, and we had an awesome conversation! She told me a little bit about her religion, and it was cool to get it first hand from someone. I have always heard such negative things about Mormonism, but this has peaked my interest in it, and I want to do some research on it. I know I grew up christian, and I am a christian, so it was totally cool hearing a different belief. Some of it seems the same, going to heaven, the 2nd coming, Jesus Christ dying for us... but some things were different to, like Heaven, John Smith,the trinity, but still super cool to hear about it! I had a horrible experience with Mormons back when they were my neighbors, lots of witchcraft and evil spirits, but from what Elizabeth was saying, it doesn't seem like that. That defiantly makes me want to look into it even more.
I love researching!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Oh the Deception
Tonight is my last night at home for the next week! Tomorrow I leave at 5pm to head to Lauren's house...and then Thursday.. TEXAS BABY! and the best part is, no one knows I'm coming. Well..except for Catt and Ramey, and Alee, Cass and Ryan... but like, no one else!!
I really want to make it for the Houston ATF and surprise people there, but I doubt that is going to work. But I'll get to see their lovely faces on sunday:) Life is good!! I am in some need for AP time in the back forty! AHHH i am so stinken excited!!!! I know Im gonna bawl my eyes out like a baby when I leave, but it will be so good to see them. Lets hope they let me stay on campus:\
I need to pack, Im not bringing a whole lot down with me, but still, I need to pack. I have all day thursday in a car, and all day friday. BLAH. Luckily I'll be with my sister Lauren! WHOOT! Best.Roadtrip.Ever! Ok.. well I do need to pack, sleep, eat and shower.
more posts and pics of my adventure to come!
I really want to make it for the Houston ATF and surprise people there, but I doubt that is going to work. But I'll get to see their lovely faces on sunday:) Life is good!! I am in some need for AP time in the back forty! AHHH i am so stinken excited!!!! I know Im gonna bawl my eyes out like a baby when I leave, but it will be so good to see them. Lets hope they let me stay on campus:\
I need to pack, Im not bringing a whole lot down with me, but still, I need to pack. I have all day thursday in a car, and all day friday. BLAH. Luckily I'll be with my sister Lauren! WHOOT! Best.Roadtrip.Ever! Ok.. well I do need to pack, sleep, eat and shower.
more posts and pics of my adventure to come!
Monday, January 16, 2012
10 after 5
Goooood Morning America!!
hahaha, so I can't fall alseep, go figure. In a few short hours I will be waking up and going on a long promised and needed sister date with my little sister to THE MALL!! If I come back with matching Bieber shirts, or any piercings, just shoot me now.
Actually, the reason I think that I cant sleep right now is just everything that is going thru my mind. I have hundreds of thoughts.
1.)i have no plan once i get to texas, no one will really be on campus, and hopefully I can stay on campus....
2.)I got to sit with the youth today during '3-D' and my heart started tearing again for them. I don't know why but I have this love for them that I can't explain, and I hate seeing them hurting, or hurting others.
3.)CCG--cray cray! Dangggg. Uganda for 5 weeks? Human Trafficking in Toledo, Ohio? This bunring passion I have where when I pray to God about it everything in the world fades away, for reals???
Life is so crazy! God is doing crazy awesome stuff. It has been exactly one year since I left my church of 17years and went to Lake Ridge where I feel so loved and accepted. Sometimes when I think of Leroy I want to scream AWAKE AWAKE O SLEEPER!! CHURCH WHY ARE YOU DEAD? The presence of the Lord is here and now with me, and its all just an 'emotion'? NO WAY! No such things like healing can happen anymore? I saw MIRACLES this summer, deaf girl heard, lame man walked, and caleb spat on a mans eyes 7 times and he could finally see! HELLO GOD IS HERE AND PRESENT! No such thing as falling in awe on your face in worship unable to move, being drunk in the Spirit, prophesying over people, speaking in tounges...is that all just a figment of my imagination?
During the Fasting LTE i saw the Lord moving in people like none other. Ive been in worship and I cant do anything but be on my knees in worship before my King!
When I heard of churches who are claiming on thing and teaching another, giving God limits and not holding onto the WHOLE bible as truth, present and active... I really do want to scream...
MY GOD'S NOT DEAD, HE'S SURELY ALIVE!
HE'S LIVING ON THE INSIDE, ROARING LIKE A LION!
-Isaiah 29:9
-Ephesians 5:18
-Acts 2:4
-Luke 1:67
-Mark 9:29
-Mark 16:15-18
hahaha, so I can't fall alseep, go figure. In a few short hours I will be waking up and going on a long promised and needed sister date with my little sister to THE MALL!! If I come back with matching Bieber shirts, or any piercings, just shoot me now.
Actually, the reason I think that I cant sleep right now is just everything that is going thru my mind. I have hundreds of thoughts.
1.)i have no plan once i get to texas, no one will really be on campus, and hopefully I can stay on campus....
2.)I got to sit with the youth today during '3-D' and my heart started tearing again for them. I don't know why but I have this love for them that I can't explain, and I hate seeing them hurting, or hurting others.
3.)CCG--cray cray! Dangggg. Uganda for 5 weeks? Human Trafficking in Toledo, Ohio? This bunring passion I have where when I pray to God about it everything in the world fades away, for reals???
Life is so crazy! God is doing crazy awesome stuff. It has been exactly one year since I left my church of 17years and went to Lake Ridge where I feel so loved and accepted. Sometimes when I think of Leroy I want to scream AWAKE AWAKE O SLEEPER!! CHURCH WHY ARE YOU DEAD? The presence of the Lord is here and now with me, and its all just an 'emotion'? NO WAY! No such things like healing can happen anymore? I saw MIRACLES this summer, deaf girl heard, lame man walked, and caleb spat on a mans eyes 7 times and he could finally see! HELLO GOD IS HERE AND PRESENT! No such thing as falling in awe on your face in worship unable to move, being drunk in the Spirit, prophesying over people, speaking in tounges...is that all just a figment of my imagination?
During the Fasting LTE i saw the Lord moving in people like none other. Ive been in worship and I cant do anything but be on my knees in worship before my King!
When I heard of churches who are claiming on thing and teaching another, giving God limits and not holding onto the WHOLE bible as truth, present and active... I really do want to scream...
MY GOD'S NOT DEAD, HE'S SURELY ALIVE!
HE'S LIVING ON THE INSIDE, ROARING LIKE A LION!
-Isaiah 29:9
-Ephesians 5:18
-Acts 2:4
-Luke 1:67
-Mark 9:29
-Mark 16:15-18
Saturday, January 14, 2012
India is on my Mind&& Heart
Tonight, I'm missing India. I would do anything to be walking in a village say 'Vannakam' to everyone i see. To hold every baby til I was told I wasnt allowed to anymore, to sit with a woman dying of leprosy, holding her stubbed hands praying with her as she gave her life to the LORD. That is what I want to be doing this snowy sunday morning.
As I sit here listening to Indian music playing in my ear buds, looking at pictures from India, remembering all the hard work and faith it took to get to this amazing place, and then all that hard work looked like nothing compared to what I was able to be apart of last summer.
I remember walking out of an orphanage, knowing I would never see these kids again, but loving them as if I had known them my whole life. After standing listening to a song they had prepared for us, choking back tears; Shy asked me to pray over them. I have never choked up in a prayer before, I poured my loved into these children, and as I was walking out, one little girl that I had been dancing with grabbed my hand and walked with me to the bus. As we were walking she looked up at my and said 'I love you' How did she even know english? But she said it, and she said it to me!!!
I cried my eyes out on the bus ride back to the place I was calling home all summer. I have never really 'left' my heart somewhere truly. But i know with all my heart that some of my heart remained in India. In the little villages, in the schools, the orphanages, the monastery, the airport, the bus ride, and definitely in the mountains.
I miss that touch that the indian women would give. I could sit there, and they would hold my hand and just smile, then talk to you in Tamil, using broken english and laughing at you when you didnt understand. I miss the tea that the women in the mountian gave to us, causing me and the other team members to have to use the squatees every 15min! I miss hearing 'Journey Man' in Tamil blasting through the speakers of a Teen Mania sound box.
Last summer my team, me included were able to reach thousands of natives, some of which had never once in their lives had heard about Jesus, the son of the One True God. I know I will go back to India sometime, I just am waiting for God to reveal when.
Snowy Day and a Birthday
3 feet of snow. Oh how I miss beautiful Texas.
I went to bed last night after an amazing night of reading and writing with maybe 2 inches of snow on the ground, what a beautiful sight. I woke up this morning to 3 feet, and my mom telling my little sister to stop singing Christmas songs! What a lazy Saturday!
Bitzy also is celebrating her 11th birthday! I was going to have a sister date with her, but the snow hindered that. Sometimes I think she is 11 going on 21....but hey, girls and drama go together like macaroni and cheese.
In 4 days I embark on my adventure to Texas. Driving from Kirtland to Bowling Green College with a Mormon (Lord give me divine appointments and let your words be said!) Then I will spend the night at my beloved Jan Jan's house, Lauren. And the next morning we will begin our drive to TEXAS!
(bitzy playing in the snow)
I went to bed last night after an amazing night of reading and writing with maybe 2 inches of snow on the ground, what a beautiful sight. I woke up this morning to 3 feet, and my mom telling my little sister to stop singing Christmas songs! What a lazy Saturday!
Bitzy also is celebrating her 11th birthday! I was going to have a sister date with her, but the snow hindered that. Sometimes I think she is 11 going on 21....but hey, girls and drama go together like macaroni and cheese.
In 4 days I embark on my adventure to Texas. Driving from Kirtland to Bowling Green College with a Mormon (Lord give me divine appointments and let your words be said!) Then I will spend the night at my beloved Jan Jan's house, Lauren. And the next morning we will begin our drive to TEXAS!
(bitzy playing in the snow)Friday, January 13, 2012
My Mission Statement
My heartbeat, my passion is to raise up a generation, my generation, as warriors.
A CONSECRATED army, DEVOTED to see GOD'S glory through out the whole world.
From the sidewalks of America to the streets of India.
I will be dedicated, as I surrender and pick up my cross daily.
My prayer continues to be;
"Take my life and let it be, consecrated, Lord to Thee."
A CONSECRATED army, DEVOTED to see GOD'S glory through out the whole world.
From the sidewalks of America to the streets of India.
I will be dedicated, as I surrender and pick up my cross daily.
My prayer continues to be;
"Take my life and let it be, consecrated, Lord to Thee."
Song of the Year
For the battle is raging
The devil is raging
And I don't want to be sleeping
While the battle is raging
I don't fight as one beats the air
Give me eyes to see and ears to hear
I don't fight as one beats the air
Give me eyes to see and ears to hear
Oh God
I put on Christ
Make no provision for my flesh
Put on the whole armor of God
Leave no open door to darkness
And I take the scroll
I eat the scroll
I open up my mouth
And speak forth Your word
And I take the sword of the spirit
Blessed be the Lord my Rock
Who trains my hands for battle
Who trains my hands for war
Waiting on an Answer
I am the most impatient person in the whole world! Somethings I CAN wait for, like the dentist, and getting married. (Yes i did just compare the two)Here are something I can't wait for; going back to Texas, walking on Indian soil again, seeing my best friend...sometimes I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it happen. Sometimes I wish money grew on trees, and life was easy.
I think one of the things I am horrible at waiting for is, the Lord. Waiting for his answers, His direction, His promises, everything.
Psalms 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!
I NEED to hold onto that. Yet it is so hard to do.
Waiting can be easy, but waiting patiently is a whole different story. I feel like sometimes I just sit and twittle with my thumbs as I wait. What is the proper way to wait on the Lord? Just sitting and waiting, or maybe just going with your gut feeling and hoping it is what God would want you to do?
I think the correct way to wait, (patiently) is to worship,pray and seek the Lord, not giving up, and when he does give you an answer, (Because he always does)
(2 Corinthians 1:20)
Pray, serve, worship, seek, and wait.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc
I think one of the things I am horrible at waiting for is, the Lord. Waiting for his answers, His direction, His promises, everything.
Psalms 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!
I NEED to hold onto that. Yet it is so hard to do.
Waiting can be easy, but waiting patiently is a whole different story. I feel like sometimes I just sit and twittle with my thumbs as I wait. What is the proper way to wait on the Lord? Just sitting and waiting, or maybe just going with your gut feeling and hoping it is what God would want you to do?
I think the correct way to wait, (patiently) is to worship,pray and seek the Lord, not giving up, and when he does give you an answer, (Because he always does)
(2 Corinthians 1:20)
Pray, serve, worship, seek, and wait.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc
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