So as im going thru facebook late last night, i fall upon this, a status update from someone who is on Ministry Team with my sister at teen mania. This man of God will do amazing things for the kingdom.
Revelation 12:11
"They have overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the words of their testimony.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SO im doing my Laundry.. I THINK THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO TALK ABOUT ME AND LAST NIGHT.. for some that dont know me.. (cause i have a few new friends) i like to express my self in a since of creativity.. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WAYS.. some people like to think that alot of what i do is for attention but really its not im just naturally a person that loves to be happy.. so when i do have a problem.. this is one of my ways of expressing it.. or really to empty my mind..
so.. last night.. ACCOUNTABILITY.. ( NOTE:THIS WAS WITH JUST MEN ONLY) normally when your at Teen Mania and u think of that u think of alot of awkwardness and people feeling uncomfortable.. cuz ITS TRUE that how it normally is.. BUT LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT last was actually.. 1 of the most beautiful things i ever seen as far as men really stepping up and being MEN!! if seen men express some of the most deepest darkest secrets, some crying, some even just genuinely happy for the first time.. as far as me.. im gonig to say a bit of mine...
first off im not PERFECT and i may be this guy that you know as to be happy and so much fun.. BUT THAT DOESN'T NOT MEAN IM NEVER UN-HAPPY... or like i never get hurt.. or i don't feel anything else.. i just dont like to show when im upset or hurt to A MASS amount of people.. cuz 1.. im not use to those feelings cuz i normally do my best to stay happy and in a good mood.. life is so short.. why waste it on anything less.. so what i do normally is i tell only people i really fell i can trust and confide in.. but i didnt do that last night.. last night SOOOO many people opened up and and told some of the most interesting things and so much other stuff.. so.. GOD TOLD ME TO OPEN UP.. AND I DID.. i tld my one and only secret..
WHAT BLEW MY MIND WAS people were accepting.. and no im not gay lol but what i thought was weird and bazaar people saw as.. "hey.. your not the only 1.. and i been there my self.. and it was soo good.. and what i found that was even more shocknig was by me steping up like that.. IT INSPIRED SOMEONE ELSE TO ACTUALLY CRY from the fact that hes been there AND IT JSUT WARMED MY HEART i was like WOW!! like i loves these people they are some awesome AWESOME MEN!! and i never ever will be the same after last night... specially after what happend next..
see.. this part was the harest.. and this is what led me to type tonight.. cuz im kinda searching in my heart to see exactly what im feeling..
see some of u know the story of my ex.. and IM NOT GONIG TO GET INTO IT specially not on here im not putting her out thee like that..
well this isnt about her but it is about my past with her.. see she was dating someone and i was actually hurt by this guy.. and NOT PHYSICALLY but.. like EMOTIONALLY see its VERY VERY HARD TO HURT ME OR OFFEND ME but if u hurt someone i care about.. ITS ON!! and see this guy was a jerk and it acutally messed me up.. and the thing was.. i never forgave him.. and i had PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS NOT 2.. but at the end of the day.. IS IT STILL RIGHT.. like what am i gaining from that.. I HAD TO ARGUE WITH MY SELF ABOUT THAT LAST NIGHT!! and it was sooooooooo hard.. cuz i relized that im not perfected.. I ALWAYS KNEW THAT.. but neither is he!! and that may be easy to see but heres the part i had to learn to swallow.. GOD SEE'S ME EXACTLY THE WAY I SEE HIM.. and even harder GOD SEE'S ME JUST AS EQUAL AS HIM..
meaning THAT KID THAT STOLE SOME GUM is just as bad AS THE GUY WHO SHOT THAT GUY ON THE CORNER!!
THAT WAS HARD!! and i had to really sit there and fight my self!! i had to tell my self all of this and really be like this is me and this is what i know i got to do!! so imagine me SOBBING some of these guys huging me holding me and me really jsut praying to GOD and asking for forgiveness and forgiving him... and I DID.. and i looked back and realized i have some stuff i need to get rid of.. i still have bitterness in my heart.. i still have stuff i havent delt with.. i still have feelings that need to be let go (not with her)
and again i remember im not perfect.. but like i said i never thought i was.. but always good to remember!
so i decided to create a challenge for my self.. EVERY DAY IM GOING TO PRAY FOR THIS MAN.. and im going to pray for forgiveness for him EVERY DAY!! for a month.. lord i speak it in to existance now THIS MAN WILL COME TO KNOW JESUS.. amen
lord thank you for being amazing.. i have said that this year im gonig to learn spiritual intimacy.. and i think this is a start.. :-) today was amazing.. its been LOOONNGGG TIME SINCE I WOKE UP AND BEEN IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD :-) thank you
NIGHT!
No comments:
Post a Comment